Irvan Rizqullah Fikardi

M. Nurfitriansyah

Eva Fitriananda

Wiladatika

First of all,

We’d like to thank our beloved english teacher for giving this assignment, our parents because they’re giving us permissions to go to do this assignment, and friends who have supported us. This conversation story is just based on everyday life, but we added a lot of random things into this conversation. After reading this maybe you will be wandering why do we make this conversation like this ? because creating a conversation with “hello” “hi” “how are you” “I’m fine thanks, and you” are just too mainstream and sounded unnatural. So we added some spices to make it more… rainbow-ish, if you know what I mean. Well we hope you enjoy the story about a man who works as an arms dealer spending his leisure time by coming to the bar Café that he regulary visited in his free time.

Also, in this conversation we have 4 characters :

- Man named ivan (Irvan Rizqullah Fikardi)

- Bartender* named Ryan (Muhammad Nurfitriansyah)

- Girl #1 (Eva Fitriananda)

- Girl #2 (Wiladatika)

*Writer's note : i'm sorry if i make this conversation too long, it wasn't my intentions to make it long in the first place, it's just the other students in the class make a quite long conversation text and they make it look like a drama than just a normal dialogue. Soorry ma'am. Irvan

“RANDOM”

     One day, there's a man coming into a cafe. That man is just a normal man, he's not a superhero or ninjas or maybe a president, just an arms dealer. anyway this man is just enjoying his free time to go to a cafe, nothing very serious going to happen like there's a bomb exploding or skyscrapers sized lizard destroying the city, just a peaceful man walking into a cafe.

(man enters the cafe)

Man : well whassap everybody here today wooho !

Bartender : Ivan my friend !!

Man : Ryan my Mate !

Bartender : hi man ! where have you been, you haven’t showed up a while here ?

Man : oh yeah, just got back from Afghan, just doing some business with the boys there, and osama for sure.

Bartender : sounds great, a beer I mean glass of water would be good for celebrating that

Man : (sitting) a glass of water ? pfft, that was lame. Gimme your best vodka  I mean soda, and mix it with 

lemon mart.. juice I mean lemonade.

Bartender :  huh ? are you serious, well that was awkward for you to ordering that kind of drinks, well if you say so.. ( then he start to mixing the drink) by the way my friend, why do you order these light beverages. I thought I heard you’re about to order vodka and martini

Man : well, it’s because the kid who write the dialogue was still underage and he thinks adding stuff like alcohol into his conversation assignment would be a bad.. bad idea when his teacher read that.

Bartender : oh I see, so the script writer was still a kid ?

Man : he’s a teenager, and back in his country alcohol was illegal and banned. ahh y' know high schoolers.

Bartender : ooh yeah, heard that too. So what are you going to do next ?

Man : just gimme the lemon mixed vodka I mean juice. The script supposed to make me go to that 2 seat over there and flirt some girls, but… that would be an inappropriate things to be added to the script. So he changed the story, the girls will come to us and we will have an conversation.

Bartender : yeah man.. beat me to it, it'll be awesome if you could get those girls.

(Girls 1&2 coming in to the bar I mean café, and sit to the seat that the man mention)

Man : buenas noches señorita, guten abend schönen Damen, Selamat malam nona-nona,                  オヤスミナサイ (4 language TL : good evening). Y’all lookin good in that outfit tonight, how do you do girls ?

Girls 1&2 : (speechless moment to give some dramatic effect) . . .

Girl 1 : first of all, I don’t even know you… who are you ? do you know him (to girl 2) ?

Girl 2 : nuh uh… free memory

Man : ehh.. here read this *showing this conversation text*

Girls 1 & 2 ( nodding ) ooh I see.

Girl 2 : (clears throat) oh hi… oh my god, long time no see, I forget when we last meet

Girl 1 ; he he me too… so where have you been ?

Man : I was just back from afghanistan doing some business trip.

Girl 1 : oh that’s great what kind business did you do there.

Man : I just offer the insurgents in there with explosives i mean potatoes yes potatoes and other kind of vegetable like broccoli and eggplant yeah like that. Just some unharmful thing won’t be bad.

Girl 2 : ah yeah… yeah yeah I heard that on the news too, they’re in agricultural crisis right now. So what’s your job ?

Man : arms dealer.. I mean vegetable dealer, I work at international vegetable distribution company.

Girl 1 : whow it sounds pretty serious

Girl 2 : I know… that kind of company usually pretty famous, so if you’re going to afghan, there must be another country that you’ve ever visited in your business trip.

Man : yeah.. Uganda, zimbabwe, bosnia, Somalia, chili, palestine, Syria, north korea, tasmania, Iraq,  and philipine. You could say that our company pretty famous for the peoples there.

Girl 2 : for what ?

Man : Military arsenal.. I mean vegetables.

Bartender : here is your vodka sorry I mean lemon juice.. and girls, what do you want to drink.

Girl 1 : ginger juice mixed with durian please.

Girl 2 : mineral water please.

Bartender : ok coming right up.

Man : what do we talk last time ?

Girl 2 : your job

Man : ohh yeah… so what are you doing right now ?

Girl 1 : oh me… I work for interpol

Man : haha… I take that as a joke.

Girl 2 : no.. she really mean it, she’s an interpol.

Man : oh ok and yooooou ? you mustn’t very far from that

Girl 2 : nah.. I was just working for intelligent

Man : oh that’s great I mean it… that badge over there seems legit.

Girl 1 : of course it is.

Bartender : your drinks are ready girls, drink it while it's still hot.

Man : oh yes drink that, ryan, i..i'm leaving, do you accept mastercard ?

Bartender : mm.. mm.. no

Man : HSBC ?

Bartender : no

Man : VISA ?

Bartender : no

Man : Paypal ?

Bartender : what th.. no

Man : BNI Syariah ?

Bartender : no

Man : Mandiri ?

Bartender : no

Man : BCA ?

Bartender : no

Man : Bank Kalbar ?

Bartender : just name all bank you’ve got, i don’t accept card, cash only.. duh

Man : WHY DON’T you say that from earlier ! how much is it

Bartender : 36

Man : here

Bartender : I'm not finished yet... 360 pounds

Man : the bloody *peeep

Bartender : "Soda’s" quite expensive nowadays.

Man : yeah right, take it, take it all.

Bartender : that’s just for the drinks, how about my tips, i've got kids too you know ?

Man : here... it’s been a great chat with you girls, bye !

Girls 1&2 : bye, see you soon..

(few minutes later)

Girl 1 : he’s a funny guy.. what do he said ? vegetable dealer hahaha

Girl 2 : yeah I thought he said that he was an arms dealer…

… (more pause for dramatic effect)

Girl 1 : call the agencies, we just let a category 1 international threat slipped of our hands. tell the MI6 to look for him

Gilr 2 : on it.. (calling 110)

Then, the man was captured right when he about to leave england to france. he was then convicted for supporting numerous genocide in the africa and also for IED accident in afghanistan that have killed more than hundreds of american and also british soldiers, 2 months later he was confirmed  executed by the british goverment. 

~fin~

IF YOU ARE STILL CONFUSED WITH THE STORY PLEASE READ THE FAQ
AND IF YOU HAVE SOME QUESTIONS TOO :)

FAQ – Frequently Asked Questions

Q : Your story is just basically a complete joke, why do you create this anyway ?

A : Well we are the one who make this story so we do what we like, besides there’s expression in this dialogue anyway

Q : Why there’s a bartender in a café, wasn’t it supposed to be an steward or waitress ?

A : well… the bartender is the café owner’s brother so he have a complete access  to do whatever he want in his brother’s bar, trust me it’s a long story.

Q : How do the bartender knew the man ?

A : the man usually comes to his bar, it's a long story.

Q : Why from thousands of other job, why do you make the man worked as an arms dealer, why don’t you just give him another jobs like he’s a superman or batman or spiderman or another awesome job ?

A : Because I just watched a movie about arms dealer last night, it's called "Lord of war" if you've ever heard of that, good movie though. if I watch “the incredible hulk” or “spiderman III” last night it would’ve been a different story.

 Q : Why the story take place in a bar I mean café ? and why the story turned out to be a bit irrational and crazy.

A : Inspirations always comes when you’re not expecting it, especially the crazy ones, true story.

Q : Wouldn’t you afraid your teacher will give you a low score on this assignment ?

A : nope, i'm pretty confidence with this story. frankly speaking, a bit afraid 45% afraid 50% confidence 5% not sure about that.

Q : why are you creating this FAQ page anyway ?

A : because i don't want the reader to think that the creator of this story is too stupid or lack of imagination to create a normal story. 

Q : I don’t get it in the part the man shows the conversation page to the girls.

A : that part. The girls recognized that they must continue the conversation like what was written in the script.

Imaginary Friends

"Hey wake up honey, it's morning already" i opened my eyes finding mom is standing in front of my room.
in a half asleep condition i said "nuh-uh... i still want to sleep" and i tried to sleep again
"come on sweetheart... go to the bathroom, wash your face and brush your teeth !" said mom as she tried to pull my blanket
"nnnnhhhh" thats the only answer i can give to mom while i sunk my face into the pillow
"what makes you so sleepy in the morning, evan ? do you watch tv until late night again" 
i tried to not to answer her but that'll be bad so i answered"no, i was playing treasure with captain Jackie until midnight"
"who is this captain jackie ? is he your imaginary friends ?" asked mom curiously 
"no mom, he is real, he was playing treasure hunting and the other stuff with me all night"
"oh.. come on. get up" as she pulled me from my bed.
i surrender "mooom ! allright allright..." then i walked to the bathroom stumbling.


Oh yeah.. i haven't introduced myself, my name is evan, i am 9 years old now and i'm in the 4th grade right now, i lived with my one and only mom, i have a great mother actually, she's a mom and also my dad, isn't it awesome ? well, my dad was actually worked as a pilot and in his mean time he always played with me, until an accident happened about a year ago, the plane that he piloted crashed and everybody in there were missing. After that my mom worked so hard for us to living, she was working as a nurse in a hospital so after that she always take double shift and she is very busy and has a very little time to play with me. but that's fine, because i have captain jackie with me, he is a very good man, he always there to play with me, talk, and share his experience with me, he said that he was the best captain in the world, he is kind, gentle, and a wise man. someday when i grow up i want to be like him.


i have put my clothes on, and i also not to forget to bring anything necessary to school including the treasure map that captain jackie said that the treasure was located in the school. mom then opened the car's door slowly 
mom smiled to me "there we go honey, your school. i'll pick you up at 2 o'clock is that fine ?"
"okay, 2 o'clock could we go to the candy store afterward, mom ?" i begged her 
"sorry, honey, mom has been busy lately so i can't take you there, but i'll promise i bought you candies on the way home"
"but moom !" suddenly the school's bell rang and i ran through the school's gate and then i looked back at my mom "Take care honey" she said loudly, i smiled and then i went to the classroom.


well, in school i don't have a lot of friends, i don't know exactly why this is happening but i think it was because i didn't really liked to talk to peoples, but that also has consquences, because of that there's a lot of bad students bullying me, saying that i was freak and nerd, weirdo, and many so on. well i dont really care about them because captain jackie always there to talk to me when i'm feeling lonely, we usually talked in the classroom and canteen.
the schools has ended for that day and i still have couple of hours before mom pick me up. so then i took out the map that i made with captain jackie last night and begin my quest for the mysterious treasure that was waiting for me to be taken. to shorten up the stories, maybe i just need to skip the adventuring part, anyway in then end i was standing in front of the school's warehouse, captain jackie who's standing besides me says that this is it, the treasures lies inside the warehouse of the school. just when i was about to enter the school's warehouse through the window, i was unaware that there's 6 kids come out from nowhere.


"well.. well.. well, what do we have here, a thief who tried to broke in to schools warehouse" said by one of them
i just standing there petrified and couldn't do anything to help myself at that time.
"looks like you need to be given punishment, maybe 1 or 2 of your bones break doesn't matter".
i was really scared at that time, my body wouldn't move, and those delinquent kids are approaching me slowly smiling viciously.
i gathered my courage, took a deep breath and i said "what do you want ? i was just playing treasure hunting with my friend that's all !" 
"treasure hunting ? by yourself ? well aren't you really an idiot.. hahaha" said those delinquent kids as they laughing at me
then i said "i didn't do it with myself, i was playing with my friend !" and that makes them spacing out for a while.
"friend ? who ? where" ask one of those kids.
i pointed at the tree near the garbage can "there, he's right there, he's captain jackie, and he will help me, so don't go any closer or he'll hurt you, right captain ?"
they're giving me weird expression, looking at each other, and followed by a loud laughter "HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA, man, did you hear that! this boy is really stupid hahahahah" 
they couldn't stopped laughing at me and captain jackie, while they are laughing at me i saw an opening to escape from them and without hesitate i tried to runn from them.
unfortunately when i was about to move, one of them blocked my path and said "where are you going ? we're not done yet little guy"
one of them pushed me to the wall and the other one yelled at me "so are your imaginary friend 'captain jackie' gonna rescue you from us, little boy hahaha"
i'm shouting back to them "yes, he will! and he's going to punish you all" 
then, one of those boys punch me right in the face "why are you so annoying, maybe we should put your mind straight"


without any mercy they're starting to hit me, kick, and throw me. i couldn't do anything, i just can only cried while lying on the ground, after a few minutes passed, my vision got blurred and i was passed out.


a few days later, i woke up lying on the hospital, i tried to remember what have happened to me before i got passed out, i realized that i was being attacked by my school's bully and i cant do anything not even captain jackie wants to help me from them. i started to realise my stupidity and grasped to reality, the reality that this long time i was playing with myself, that captain jackie is just a delusion, he didn't exist, he is just an illusion that was created because i was lonely.


after that event, i started to change myself, i started to making friends, eventough some of them still think me as a freak in the past but my life now is in a new stage, a stage where i no longer believe in my on fantasy. 

Spoof

SPOOF

Created By :

-Irvan Rizqullah Fikardi

-Andika Eka Putra

-Sherly Pratiwi Putri

I. Triathalon

One day, there was a Worldwide Triathalon competition being held in the depths of the jungle, in this competition the competitors must do several extreme challenges that pushes their physical to the limit.

In the morning, the competitors from around the world already gathered in the jungle and prepared for the competition tommorow morning. There are 2 competitors named A and B who is also participating at this competition.

The next morning, the judges announce what are they going to go through in this competition. First, the competitors must climb a 220 meters cliff, and then they need to swim 130 meters wide river in order to go to the next challange, and then competitors must kill a grizzly bear, then ravish a beautiful woman and run 20 km to the finish line.

The race begins, A climbed the cliff faster than anyone, he crossed the river like hell, then he killed the bear bare-handed and ravish the beautiful woman, and he sprint 20km to the finish line quickly and finish in 1st place.

11 hours later since A has finished, all of the competitors also already finish except B, the only one competitor who hasn’t finished yet. 

Peoples are starting to worried about B, and suddenly B showed up with his clothes has been torn up, he also got scar all over his body.

One of the judge ask him “what happened to you?“ B answered “the climbing went fine, I crossed the river, I killed the woman, but it went wrong when I ravish the bear…”.

Text Analytical

 

Orientation : One day, there was a Worldwide Triathalon competition being held in the depths of the jungle, in this competition the competitors must do several extreme challenges that pushes their physical to the limit.

Event 1 : In the morning, the competitors from around the world already gathered in the jungle and prepared for the competition tommorow morning. There are 2 competitors named A and B who is also participating at this competition.

Event 2 : The next morning, the judges announce what are they going to go through in this competition…

Event 2 : The next morning, the judges announce what are they going to go through in this competition…

Event 3 : The race begins, A finished faster than anyone...

Event 4 : 11 hours later since A has finished, all of the competitors also already finish and they starting to worrying B 

Twist : B showed up but he’s in bad shape...

 II. Rabbit Hunt

  

     One day, Rian, Doni, and Algi are arguing about who is the best at hunting. Rian said he’s the best because he was in the school’s scout, Doni said that he is the best because he has a good relationship with any animal in nature, and there’s Algi who said that he is the best of all of them because of he has a big body and he said he was also a descendant from early human evolution species which is meganthropus paleojavanicus.

     They keep arguing each other, then Iqbal showed up and giving them solution to decide which one of them is the best by giving them a challenge who can hunt a rabbit that was released by him, they’re all agreed with the challenge that was given by Iqbal. Iqbal said that the challenge will begin in the next day, they are told by him to met in the front of the forest the next day.

      The next morning, they gathered near the forest, then Iqbal randomly decide whose going to hunt the rabbit first, it turns out to be Doni. Doni  will be the first one to hunt the rabbit first, he place his animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations Doni’s informants conclude that the rabbit do not exist, Doni failed to hunt the rabbit.

Next, it’s Rian’s turn to hunt for the rabbit. Rian tracks the rabbit using his skills as an top scout member. After two weeks tracking with no leads Rian got frustated and he’s got mad that he burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and make no apologies. 

Rian got disqualified due to his dangerous and maniac behaviour which make algi as the last man standing. He entered the forest and he come out two hours later with dragging a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay!  Okay! I'm a rabbit!  I'm a rabbit!”  

Text Analytical

Orientation : One day, Rian, Doni, and Algi are arguing about who is the best at hunting…

Event 1 : Iqbal showed up and give them solution…

Event 2 : The next day, they gathered near the forest…

Event 3 : Rian’s turn to hunt for the rabbit…

Twist : Algi came out with badly beaten bear who admit that he is the rabbit.